It’s been feeling so good to introduce myself as Sandivel [pronounced Sohn-di-vél]–my middle name and the name I felt as a 7-yr-old was my soul’s name. My first remembrance of this was in 2nd grade: I wanted to correct my teacher and have her call me by my middle name and not my first. I didn’t know why I wanted to do this then, but years later it made sense and continues to do today. Back then I didn’t have much of a voice, especially to stand within this inner soul knowing and resonance.
I’ve played with my many names–given names and names I’ve been guided to play with and activate. The majority of my life I’ve been known as Claudia–my birth name and a name I love, which has ancestral baggage that I don’t resonate with. Most people now and in the last decade know me as Ix-Chel, my legal American name after my naturalization and the name that I fell in love with when I was 15 and was first initiated in the Mayan world. This name speaks to my soul in many ways and was healing to my spiritual, indigenous and sexual embodiment.
I’m reclaiming Sandivel as my soul’s name. As I continue to dive into my 9-month celibacy (my version of it at least), as a path to sovereign self-love, I’m uncovering some deep stuff like the first time I recall betraying myself. In a raging healing circle held by my beloved Quimera Tribe, inspired by Esi Wildcat and supported by our teacher Anandha Ray, I went there. Through all the layers of discomfort, of being seen so spiritually raw and naked, I let tribe in. I was grieving a relationship and more than anything was finally grieving the little girl in me who didn’t feel safe to be true to herself and be seen too. It was powerful. Since this raging purge and reclaiming of spirit, life hasn’t felt the same.
My first birth name was given to me after an aunt passed in a tragic way in front of my grandmother and her siblings. A sacrificial move on the part of my father, he told his mother that he would name his next daughter (me) “Claudia.” Though I looooove the name Claudia Sandivel García Bernal lol and that name has left behind over 10 running records from middle school to college, something didn’t feel complete about “Claudia.” I didn’t want to carry the ancestral burden of someone else’s hurt. I believe I am a sovereign being with my own calling/name integrating my ancestral light and shadow.
I also learned that my older sister (in this pic) chose “Sandivel” to be my middle name, and I learned that I almost didn’t get baptized with it because the Catholic priest said it wasn’t Catholic. It turns out that “Sandivel” is actually an English-speaking superhero cartoon character and a TV show that my sister enjoyed. (Still need to watch this!! Lol)
I feel the strongest calling to “Sandivel” in my personal life, and “Ix-Chel Sandivel” in my professional life. I respond to all names, and there’s a resonance and response to all of them. “Sandivel” is the return of my original essence and the integration of all that I know. Generally speaking, I prefer to be called “Sandivel.”
Synchronistically, when spirit said it’s time to return to “Sandivel,” my ixchelsandivel webpage got hacked. It’s now all moved to Sandivel.com, thx to my amazing bro Itom Lab who makes me shine online. I highly recommend him if you’re looking for creating a site!
In the name of throat chakra healing & Mercury Going Direct on this New Moon in Sagittarius,
Sandivel García Bernal
Thank you Leonard Rosenbaum for your fabulous edits!!