Ive been hiding from you. Sometimes lovers do that when we’re afraid of being vulnerable, seen and all that other nonsense that keeps the heart contracted.
This Full Moon in Cancer is about allowing myself to feel the depths of my heart in this moment and also sharing vulnerably with you some personal updates.
I’ve had to take lots of space from giving my energy to others including my work… and unfortunately my moon love letters!! I’ve been resisting this for whatever unconscious reason and thankfully I’m facing this and coming to terms in this moment that I need to share my love!! I am claiming and embracing this moment fully because that’s ALL I have… this moment!!
In this moment, I am sitting next to a fire while my beloved is making special ritualistic Full Moon chocolate. Yup, this is a ritual I started doing last Christmas and it was one of the best Christmas experiences of my life because of the sacred day and unconventional history behind Christmas.
Today is a day that I celebrate the sacred union between Priestess Mary Magdalene and Yeshua. Today, their union Christ was born. An entity expressed in physically manifest form. It is day of tantric union between beloveds, our selves, and that which is sacred and dear to our hearts. Yeshua and Mary Magdalen were initiates of sex magic practices and rituals. They carry in their hearts, bodies, and minds the spirit of sexual healing and transformation and today I celebrate their courageous and pioneering spirits.
I have been mostly “hiding” to take care of some deep healing. The last moon love letter I wrote was about 3 months ago, “Minding my own Moon-day business,” when I declared it’s not Monday but Moonday!” As much as I love the spaces I go to come out more clear on the other side, I miss interacting and sharing my life with you. So here’s a vulernable personal update for you.
On December 16th, I discovered I have two MTHFR genetic mutations. In a nutshell, as a result my genes don’t produce up to 60% of the neurotransmitters a genetically normal person would. The stability of my moods and my ability to detoxify toxins is compromised by my these mutated genes. Most of my life, Ive had to accomplish so much like running a gazillion miles to feel “good/normal.” Over time, these physical acts and accomplishments also depleted my emotional body and mind. After one year of active research and seeking professional advice, I’ve learned that I have two parasites, my hormones are a bit low, my adrenals are taxed, and as a result of these gene mutations, my brain chemicals are often seriously depleted!! Aye dios mio (OMG in Spanish!!).
For like 15 years, around the first time I got my moon, I’ve been fighting depression. This is something serious and deeper than me. Over 70% of people with depression have this mutation! No matter how much yoga, training, meditation, organic food, sleep I commit to, this monster has become bigger than me over the years.
Luckily, the winter solstice just passed and light is now increasing as the dark nights get shorter and shorter. My imbalances have been in the dark for almost half of my life and it feels SOOO good, enlightening and enlivening that I’m on the home stretch to a radical life transformation in my bio chemical and holistic healing. To replace the function of this gene mutation, it looks like all I’m going to need is supplements…..but getting the right formula is the tricky part, as getting the wrong doses can cause more problems. This upcoming Monday, I’m seeing an expert who will help me get this science, art and formula closer to hopefully the home run of my healing.
I am looking forward to being more balanced so I can gracefully focus and give my attention and love to all the things that deeply matter to me like my work!!!!
I deeply appreciate your ability to receive me during these HOLY-DAYS! Consciousness and awareness of self is sacred. This Full Moon in Cancer allow yourself to feel the tantric union between all that is sacred and dear to your heart.
Thank you to all my friends and family who have been holding and loving me so deeply during this delicate time of my life.
<3 All of my love <3!
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iX-CheL Sandivel is a multiorgasmic & divine feminine empowerment coach. She is the youngest woman qualified by the oldest school of tantra in the west, as a Source Tantra Yoga Associate & certified Advanced Tantra Educator. She leads events for men & women based on Tantra with an exotic twist. She’s most known for her “Sensual Surrender Play Shop for Women” where women learn to embrace their creative life force energy, and to play a dominant role at the “Dakini Domme Knight Masquerade.” Follow iX-Chel on Instagram at @ixchel_sandivel